yesterday, my new driving instructor decided that he'd make some time for me and gave me an extra lesson eventhough he doesn't work sundays.
i bet he used to be a rebel. i can so imagine him with the whole leather getup & long straggly hair.
he wears bright yellow adidas tees, khaki cutoffs with moccasins and dyed brown hair.
oh, i forgot to add that he's like what? 45 years old??
he dresses like the average 23 year old undergrad.

anyway, he decided that we'd go for an adventure since it was a leisurely sunday afternoon.
"you need experience, sophia" he drawled lazily in mandarin.

so he brought me from bedok -> shenton way/tanjong pagar/raffles place -> vivo city -> bukit merah -> adam road -> macpherson -> paya lebar -> tampines -> bedok.

"nobody's gonna believed you drove on the expressway with an L-plate"
"oh okay, why?"
"because you're not supposed to drive on expressways with an L-plate, my dear girl"
"WTH!!??"
"its okay, its sunday."
"what has this gotta do with sundays!??"
"sundays, we break the law and ma da never come catch us because this is life."


there were times i nearly didn't break in time and he went: oh, its not your fault. its the other driver's fault. terrible terrible drivers. their driving instructor definitely isn't me. you, my girl are fantastic! see how you navigate the sharp turns!


HAHAHAHHAHAHA, he's the best "confidence building" instructor EVAR!!

i now have this impression that all driving instructors are abit strange.
the first one sang songs & spouted poems.
now this?

what have we next sia.

--

i've learnt that sometimes verbal agreements just don't cut it.

the other day, one person said something and the other remembered it.
but today, after an issue & some miscommunication.
everyone promptly forgot what they said and started blaming each other.

i mean seriously, as a bystander, i found it amazing how one can twist one's words to fit the situation.
how vehement denial of one's words can save your own ass, sure. but at the expense of killing the rest?

its all of game of he said, she said.
i've learnt how to take everything with a pinch of salt.

i'm glad this is gonna be over.

--

say NO to feeling SHITTY!

i've been feeling like SHIT these past 2 days.
no, make that 1 and a half days.. ever since you started your mission to try to mend our broken hearts.

like, seriously, the reasons you give NEVER change. the excitement u try to inject for your supposedly conjured up "future together" leaves me gaping in horror.
wait, those aren't even reasons, they are excuses to support your already very flimsy cause.
yet, these are the very same reasons i used to fall for. i wished someone had the guts enough to slap me out of that hazy stupor 8 months ago. GOODNESS. what was i even thinking?
its amazing what 2 weeks of no-contact can give you.
it makes you think and realise the ridiculity of us together and how we'd NEVER, let me repeat that once more, NEVER WORK.

i absolutely cannot believe u pulled the same old stunts..

lets see,

1. calling me nonstop.
2. leaving me "urgent" msges that needed me to call you back immediately.
3. leave umpteen voicemail messages?
4. driving to my place.
5. not letting me out of your car until you've finished your tirade.
6. tell me how beautiful we are together. (bullshit, get a life, really)
7. call me nonstop YET AGAIN at night.


ITS OVER. GET IT. O.V.E.R.

no amount of persuasion will ever let me walk into that damn same ol' trap again.
i'm over this shit.


oh, and 1 more thing.

i had completely NO MOOD to work at all cuz as usual, like how all bad relationships tend to take its toll.
my emotions were in a mess and i was in 2 minds.
then i thought about how thankful i should be for so many things in my life.

GOODNESS, WHAT AM I MOPING ABOUT?

1. i have wonderful parents.
2. i have 4 fully functional limbs.
3. i have a hearty appetite and absolutely enjoy food.
4. i have 2 eyes to see and enjoy the splendour of all of God's creation.
5. i have supportive friends who actually care and call when i need them.
6. i can laugh, and i like to think i have a sense of humour. (you're not allowed to protest, i just had my heart broken, kelian okay.)
7. i am literate which means i can enjoy reading God's word.
8. i don't look strange. (i don't, RIGHT? wait, do i?)

i have alot of things to be thankful and happy about.
and i thank God that He is gonna make a way and give me the strength to walk out of this.
there are so many things to learn always when we encounter problems.


and just as i was feeling pretty much like a herd of horses stampeded above me, i read this verse again.

James 1 : 2 - 4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

i'm gonna consider it pure joy and know that this testing develops perserverance and when its work is finished, i may be mature & complete, not lacking anything.

Amen. :)

i feel so much better already.

--

Oh, how little i have read.

Instructions:
- Look at the list and bold those you have read
- Italicise the ones you want to read
- Underline the books you really loved and strikethrough the ones really didn't enjoy
- Reprint this list in your own journal if you want to... you know you want to.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (er, well, still trying to get my hands on the Deathly Hallows)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh (I want to watch the movie!)
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In A Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

i haven't really been reading much at all.
perhaps, due to work and what not. maybe i should pick up a few books eh?
i miss reading, somewhat.

--

sometimes, i wonder if you do it on purpose to spite me.

Outside In.

so today, i did nothing at work but take pictures of things that my boss & colleagues wanna put on ebay.

yeah, cool job eh?
i asked anyone of them if they were willing to match my current pay and i'd do this full time.
it sure beats selling what i sell anyday!

and i've decided to take a "HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY" attitude to everything in life.
guess what?
it works, i'm feeling a million times better and its not an emotional rollercoaster ride anymore.
it sure beats moping around and feeling sorry for myself.


and remember folks, life still goes on.. no matter what happens around.
take the best of it and live it to the fullest.

tonite, am gonna run till i can't run no more.
a gym sesh in the pipeline!

--

apparently, heartbreak agrees with me.

usually, i eat a feast. i cannot resist good food.
but these past couple of days, everything that i put into my mouth tastes like cardboard.
and even though i feel hungry, i can't seem to stomach too much food.

i've lost a good 3 kilograms and am back at my original pre-fat weight.

my skin seems better & even my friends confirm it.
a couple of people even inquired about the products i am currently using.
i can go out without an ounce of make up and not feel self-conscious.
although i suspect the lack of self-consciousness is due to the fact i don't bloody give a damn because all i can think of currently is how my heart feels like someone just slammed it in with a sledgehammer.

--

for the kaypo people, yes, its heartbreak.
don't come and msn me about it okay. because I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
and heartbreaks suck to the power of 1 zillion.
when i read the papers about the current financial crisis, recession, famine or whatever terrible tragic thing that has befallen mankind. i am apt to feel nothing, abso-freaking-lutely nothing.
because like any self-centred person, all i care about now is how i freaking shit ass feel like i just died inside.


okay, let me tell you that i'm gonna be ALRIGHT.
because thats the way i am.

i bounce back.


for now, the bouncing hasn't begun.
but it will, soon enough.
you just wait and see.

the sunshine, birds chirping & happy days without a care in the world are just round the corner for dear ol' me.

good riddance, good bye to YOU*.

(actually i know for a fact that someday i'm gonna look back, read this post, remember how ridiculous we were together and heave a sigh of relief that it only lasted as long as it did. except i'm not feeling it now but i will, eventually and i can't freaking wait for that day to come sia.)

--



*the idiot who broke my heart into a million tiny pieces but good thing its nearly as good as new now save for a few slight cracks.