What to do in embarrassing situations! Part I

i've decided to do a blog series cuz i'm cool like that YO.
whatever really.

it actually started with rui asking me one day about what to retort should someone shoots a sacarstic "Good for you" your way.
i came up with a brilliant (or so i think) retort.

me: guess what i ate for lunch!!
Random Person A: what?
me (very excitedly): nasi padang with damn shiok fried chicken only $2.50.
RPA: oh, Good for you lah.
me: yeah, it really is good for me isn't it? heehee! it'll be good for you too. you should try the nasi padang some day! yum yummy YUMMERS.

well... and so on and so forth.

and a few other irritating phrases which people like to use. yes, we came up with smooth retorts to make it sound like we totally don't take offense and yet, feel damn happy about what you just said when we actually don't and feel like punching your smart aleck face in.
this is usually used for work because you must always be polite and diplomatic even if you hate that person you work with. such is the life of lowly executives. HAHAHA.

well, i was thinking of embarrassing situation(s) that happened to friends or friends of friends or well, someone we know.

here's Part I:


Question:
What do you do when you're wearing a really pretty baby doll dress/top (very IN THIS SEASON! inside joke) when someone stands up on the bus/mrt to let you have their seat because he/she thought you were pregnant but you're obviously not?


i bet the first thing that would go through your head is "knnbccb, wa ah neh pui meh!!?? siao liao la!!!" "dammit, do i look THAT FAT THAT YOU THINK I'M PREGNANT? SERIOUSLY?" and you'd feel like absolute shit. your self esteem shattered into little bits and pieces. i bet you're thinking to yourself, once i get down i'm gonna buy myself a whole new outfit sia. this is so bloody freakshit embarrassing, i want to cry.


FRET NOT MY FRIENDS!
I HAVE THE SOLUTION FOR YOU!

well, you should just sit down and say: "why that's very nice of you. thank you so much! my child -press womb lightly with palm for effect- will be eternally grateful."
and give that idiot your warmest smile. EVEN BETTER STILL if you can cry on cue to signify your deep and undying gratitude.
it'll definitely make his/her day because hello, he/she thinks they just did a kind deed and would be rewarded richly in heaven. song bo.
of course, you're allowed to curse and swear freely at the person in your heart.
this will save the both of you immense embarrassment as opposed to lets say..........

you scream loudly at said idiot going: HELLO I'M LIKE NOT PREGNANT, CAN YOU PRAY PLEASE OPEN YOUR DAMN SLITTY EYES ABIT WIDER. GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME. ITS LIKE A FREAKEN BABY DOLL DRESS YOU A-HOLE, I'M NOT FREAKING PREGNANT AND DON'T NEED ANY OF YOUR SYMPATHY!! I CURSE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN!! (i must use this phrase of SATC charlotte's cuz i think its so damn funny. hahaha)

by this time the whole bus/train would be staring at you and scrutinising your non-existent baby bump.

so i say, my solution is ZE BEST.
plus hello, you get to sit down in a crowded bus/train comfortably and rest your legs.

and thats the end to part I.
one day if i feel boliao again, i might just post part II.
so watch out for it folks.

byebye.


(HAHAHAHA, sophia.... you're like SO BLOODY COOL YO.)

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